Fighting Tigers Mini-Buddhist Fat Camp

You wouldn’t believe how much litigation is involved in opening up a fat camp these days. Gary’s lawyer, Myron Beas (I owe him a plug), agreed to do some pro bono work for me in exchange for a small part in Multiple Exit Wounds (haven’t told him that he’ll have to fly out to Columbo to do it!), and Myron says anything with ‘fat’ in it is out. ‘Little Co-Religionist Overeaters of America’ is the bottom line, and I’m not ‘with’ it. Otherwise, doing fine, doing great. Obese and loving it. Kelly Le Brock called yesterday to say she’s stopping off with the ‘brats’ next week. Cody seems to have his father’s ‘handsome’ genes but is frankly on the tubby side. Li Po and Steven Junior (no ponytails for me, thank you) take after Kelly. Which reminds me of alimony bills, and nibbles for the kids. I guess I’ll just have to stock up then! One thing I should probably tell you before I sign off is that I’ve made it a principle to skip one snack a day for the rest of the week, just to keep myself guessing. See if you can guess which snack I skipped today. Are you guessing? . . . Trick question! Today I didn’t skip anything, and actually tacked on a mid-lunch snack . . . Whoops! Thanks for reading, and good chi to you and your whole family, and get a Fisher & Paykel E-7160. They’re great and you’ll never lock yourself out.

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
2 oz. Liptauer cheese on oat crackers (5 points)

Mid-Morning snack
Chilled persimmons (3 points)

Lunch
Cheesy turkey ham and asparagus roll (low-fat Gouda is the way to go on this one, a great low-fat cheese friend that leaves plenty of room for another . . .) cheesy turkey ham and asparagus roll (6 points... each)

Mid-Lunch Snack
Smoked Oysters with Guernsey cheese (see if you can find the fat in Guernsey cheese because I can’t. Incredible... 5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Salmon muffin (5 points)

Dinner
Black bean casserole with lemon and Parmesan cauliflower (7 points)

Midnight snack
Box of Fruit Loops, box of Mozart chocolates, quarter crate persimmons (running low), leftover black bean casserole, 13 oz. Liptauer cheese, 5 salmon muffins

My weight: 355 lbs.