Japanese Blue Cheese Endorsement as Good as Signed!

Once this goes through, I’m as good as in the black. After Steven Seagal Lightning Bolt Energy Drink sales bottomed out, I didn’t think I’d get the call, but the Japs love me, and they can’t get enough of my Shinjuku robe, which I may be able to fit back into by mid-March. Awaiting first shipment, which will go right into the Fisher & Pakyel self-regulating cheese compartment. What a great fridge this is! Didn’t, unfortunately, manage to sort out any endorsement with the Fisher & Paykel people, but you never know. Which reminds me, the E-7160 is the cat’s pajamas. And it doesn’t have a lock, so you’ll never . . . LOCK YOURSELF OUT! Hungry most of yesterday; chi was still a bit low. Just thought about this: I’ll have to stock up on crackers for my blue cheese, won’t I? The only downside to this arrangement is that, according to my contract, I’ll have to consume ‘half a kilo of Kyushu Blue per day’ and ‘be seen in the best restaurants in Hollywood eating a half kilo of Kyushu Blue per day’. Well, you can’t have your cake and eat it too . . . or can you? Just watch me!

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
2 oz. Kyushu Blue on rye crackers (6 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
1 oz. Kyushu Blue on oat crackers (4 points)

Lunch
5 oz. Kyushu Blue by itself, glass of sake (13 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
1 oz. Kyushu Blue melted over reduced fat black bean tortilla chips (4 points)

Dinner
Red peppers stuffed with Kyushu Blue (7 points)

Midnight Snack
After all that cheese, I was in a ‘White Castle’ mood. Challenged Chatto to a duel (sometimes he falls for this) and we drove out to the White Castle on East Vandeluthe, incognito. Chatto made the mistake of starting off too fast; I paced myself carefully and didn’t even feel mildly nauseous until my 46th burger. Left Chatto in the dust at number seven. Final Results: Chatto 7, Me 67. Passed by the Taco Bell All-Night window on the way back (why do they always put these places on the same side of the road you’re driving on?) and celebrated my victory with a Big Bell Value Meal (I deserved it) and a pint of moss rose back at the ranch.

My weight: 380