Bidding for Elvis' Throne on eBay

Was laid out with a frightening case of diarrhea on Wednesday (probably the Marmite, which I’ve stopped taking) so didn’t find the time to write. In all fairness to the Marmite people, there is a disclaimer on the bottle, in tiny print, that warns against consuming more than 8 ounces per day. In my enthusiasm, I must have polished off 10 bottles. But let bygones be bygones. Feeling much better now and the mudslides reminded me that it’s probably time for a new, more commodious, toilet.

On the blogging front, I just wanted to let you know that Eric Schworsky, my weight management therapist, and I had a little falling out now that the cookie endorsement is on the rocks (he’d told me it was as good as gold), so Eric, who is also my IT man, hasn’t been updating the links. But I’ve just hired Emilio Estevez (who’s a big fan) to help me do it. Will have those updates by Monday.

In business news, had a very odd encounter yesterday after a late brunch with Doody Costner, who’s officially ‘in’ on the Genghis production by the way. Let me backtrack. Doody and I had gotten to talking about Kevin’s latest project Dances with Wolves Again, which Doody is convinced is destined to break box office records because Kevin has hired a man named Albert Peach to direct it. I’d never heard of him and googled him later and didn’t find much more than a reference to a single pilot for a show called Hector’s Story. Anyway, the brunch stretched out until about 3 o’clock, when we motored indoors for a mid-afternoon snack and Doody suddenly passed out. He claimed later that it was the Marmite (he’d never tasted it and refused to listen to my warnings), but I have my suspicions that Doody, like Abel, drinks more than he lets on. To cut to the chase, Doody finally left at about 6, and I’d just been lowered onto my chairs for an early dinner when a man who later identified himself as the unwilling executor of Elvis Presley’s lesser-known curios rang the gong. Chatto, who was still in bad shape and couldn’t answer the door, radioed Simpook, but Simpook was dying Eric’s hair (I just found out about this) so I had to get it myself. I’m embarrassed to say that, lacking the proper assistance to enter my cart, I was forced to crawl to the door and open it. Doubly embarrassing was having to introduce myself from the floor. I’ve weathered worse.

So, like I said, the man introduced himself and invited himself inside for an aperitif. Unfortunately, I let him know, we’d have to make do with leftover Marmite but that I wouldn’t be able to join him on account of my diarrhea, and he said that was fine. When we’d finally gotten comfortable in the Saffron Room (I’ve just outfitted this room with a remarkable collection of Javanese rugs and an assortment of puffy pillows) he divulged the following information: Elvis had had a throne. I was dumbstruck. Then he said that not only had Elvis had a throne but that Elvis’ throne (which doesn’t unfortunately come equipped with an industrial scale but does have a dinner tray, two dinner trays actually) was at that very moment being bid for on eBay. Well, I thanked him and crawled him back to the door and immediately logged onto eBay and, fingers crossed, will have that throne for $139 (my bid) in 2 hours 37 minutes. Send me chi!

Otherwise, for all you dieters out there, I’m now on a diet based almost exclusively on legumes. I owe my friends at chiefly legumes for this inspiration. The wonderful thing about legumes, as far as I can tell, is that you can eat as much as you want and the only side effect (if you do overindulge) is gas, which I’m long used to anyway. Can’t wait to share my meals with you, and leave my throne alone!

Yesterday’s meals
Breakfast
Hearty Fiesta Cassoulet (12 points)

Mid-Morning Snack 1
Aztec Tostadas (4 points X 2 = 8 points)

Mid-Morning Snack 2
Aztec Tostadas (4 points X 4= 16 points)

Lunch
Red Beans and Mudbugs (a Cajun recipe with crawfish, one of my favorites, cured ham, spicy sausage and optional rack of ribs) with Dirty Rice and Rack of Ribs (20 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack 1
Pizza Beans (still not sure what this was but Chatto said he followed the recipe . . . 8 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack 2
Shipwreck Casserole (thanks Richard Mann! Just as good as chili, serves 12 . . . 41 points)

Dinner
Spicy Black Bean Stew (yummy!) with Mudbugs (I guessed the ‘mudbugs’ were the sausage tidbits but image they might be the crawfish after all) and Goose Liver with frijole garnish. (25 points?)

Pre-Breakfast Option
Refried beans and Laffy Taffy (5 points)

My weight: 491 lbs (switched back to pounds. The boys at UPS, where I now do my weighing, said if I weighed myself in tons I wouldn’t be able to see any improvement.