Manuel Uribe Broke My KGW Industrial Crane Scale

Image of the day: Manuel Uribe arrives at Wheezy Jack's Crab Shack


Myron Beas is in negotiations with Bryan Adams' people in Malibu over my rightful ownership of the Elvis Throne. From what I understand, ‘extending bidding’ is illegal and I’m sure we’ve got a pretty good case. I’m contesting the sale, secondarily, on the grounds that Bryan is too puny to get any enjoyment out of it and that at my current size it’s almost a crime to deprive me of it. I’ve made it clear to Myron that I’m willing to put up the original bid ($139) plus a box of Swamp Daddy cassettes and a plug for Bryan’s next album, whenever that will be.

Speaking of Swamp Daddy, I was a bit disappointed to find out that on at least three of the tracks Gary can be heard in the background weeping. And speaking of Gary, because of his latest run-in with the LAPD, he’s now chewing charcoal. He says it’s supposed to confuse breathalyzers, and has recommended that I chew charcoal too, to combat my bean gas. So far nothing’s happened.

Otherwise, doing fine. Have joined the half-ton-and-up club and am glad Manuel Uribe is here to enjoy this moment with me. Manuel has agreed to be my corporeal advisor in my upcoming challenges and so far he’s been a real pal and a fine chow buddy. Unfortunately, Gary (who’s been using the KWG scale as a trapeze of sorts) dared Manuel to do the same, but Manuel missed the catch and went straight through the floor and into the Saffron Room. And I’m sure the KGW people said that this particular model had a maximum weight capacity of 3,000 lbs. Anyway, Manuel was fine, and after my weigh-in at UPS (hello from Ron the pallet loader), we carted out to Wheezy Jack’s Crab Shack for a tête-à-tête to celebrate. I’ve got to admit that Manuel ate me under the table. We started off on an even footing but when Manuel got his second wind, he left me in the dust, and kept going until Wheezy Jack’s niece closed us down. She even took a picture of us and had Manuel sign it.

Anyway, gassy but hopeful. Thanks for your continued support, and here’s the trivia question of the week: Name another celebrity in the Beverly Hills area who uses a KGW industrial scale.

Today’s Meals:

Breakfast
Kanto Makiyakinabe Omelet (Makiyakinabe omelets come in 3 varieties: kantō-type, kansai-type and nagoya-type), Kansai Makiyakinabe Omelet, Nagoya Makiyakinabe Omelet, jug of Nutella (19 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Red Bean Curd Pasties (1 X 6= 6 points)

Lunch
Korean Bean Kebabs

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Chocolate-covered Navy Beans (delicious . . . only 5 points), 3 lbs Sam’s Club Baking Chocolate (20 points)

Dinner
Wheezy Jack’s Crab Feast with Manuel Uribe (don’t want to guess on the points on this one)

Pre-Breakfast Option
Manuel Uribe’s Doggy Bag (81 points)

My Weight: 501 lbs . . . 501 lbs . . . 501 lbs . . . 501 lbs