A Moment of Silence

Image of the Day: Alvin Cicci Being Honored in Karachi For His Lifetime Achievements

I would like all my fans, disciples and fellow obesity sufferers to observe a moment of silence in memory of Alvin Cicci, my stunt double of the past five years, who passed away last night of heart complications at St. Giuseppe Moscati Hospital in Milan. Alvin was a loving husband, a doting father and a friend to the end. The extent of his many talents was equalled only by the quiet passion he took in portraying his Sensei before the camera. He was an able food critic, a fascinating mimic of country life in Italy, and despite his size, a lithe and stealthy combatant. Not once in the course of shooting our last picture, The Florist's Son, did he complain of chest pains or the extra poundage he was required by contract to put on for the role, though he was obviously suffering.

One episode I witnessed during shooting is particularly indicative of Alvin's character. The film is about a Neapolitan florist whose family is butchered before his eyes by a gang of Chinese florists moving in on his territory. My character, Vito Millefiori, is knocked over during the attack and observes the carnage from the floor, seething in quiet agony and plotting his revenge (single close-up of my eyes) while supine. As it turned out, once I hit the ground, I couldn't get back up. Alvin quickly came to my aid, and here is the beauty of the man. When he realized his predicament (i.e. that if he were to get back up, he would be one-upping me, not to mention hurting my feelings), he finished the scene by tripping one of the assailants and rolling over him, a move he knew I was perfectly capable of executing with maximum force. And that was pure genius, which is Alvin in a nutshell. Alvin, you will be missed.

I will sign off by sharing with you the ingredients of Alvin's favorite recipe, Farfalle with Arugula Pesto:

8 ounces yellow wax beans, rinsed, ends trimmed and cut into 1-inch lengths

12 ounces dried farfalle pasta

3/4 cup arugula pesto 

5 cups grated pecorino romano

1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, stemmed, rinsed and halved  

Serve with suckling pig and/or wild boar (depending on the season) and garnish of pea hens.

My Weight: 938 1/4 lbs.

An Italian Ambulance: 3,750 lbs.