A New Me

Image of the day: Black Men with Karate Skills Don't Get Picked on in Prison

Decided to spend an extra week at the Kumis compound in the Robledos after all, and so glad I did. Feeling better than I’ve felt in months and, more importantly, I’ve learned to take things in stride, or rather, I’ve learned to laugh at myself, which is the Len Kumis Method for Long-Term Fat Loss in a nutshell. That said, I’m am a strapping, rosy-cheeked 795 (that’s not a zip code in Belgium, folks, it’s my weight!) and I’m no longer so preoccupied, or choosy, when it comes to my diet. The one thing I did learn from Len, which I couldn’t see back in my ‘Oh my Gawd I’m so fat days’, was that dieting is living and you can’t live when every time you open the F&P, you’re thinking, “What is this midnight snack going to look like on my hips?” There’s just no way. Or as Lee told us himself, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. If you can’t join ‘em, eat ‘em. If you can’t eat ‘em, then forget it, you fat tub of shit!” Anyway, like I said, I’m feeling great, I’ve got buckets of chi to burn and I’m back on schedule. Of course, I can’t fit through the kitchen door, but I’m not beating myself up for it. I’ve always wanted an open kitchen look anyway.

And, sad news from the minority thespian community, my former best man and fellow Hollywood bad man, Wesley Snipes, is doing three years in minsec lock-up. I’d always told him to go Swiss. No matter. Tax evasion isn’t the end of the world, and Wesley isn’t going to spread his buttocks for anyone. Even so, please, join me in a prayer for Wesley, and if you’re as big fans as I am, as I’m sure you are, don’t forget to send him a box of After Eight Dinner Mints (he loves them) care of the Coleman Federal Correctional Complex, Sumter County, Florida.

On the diet front, I’ve been buffet hopping in Pasadena. Yesterday’s Buffets (see below) is a comprehensive up-to-date list of the buffets I patronize on a daily basis. This new sidebar includes not only the buffets I would recommend for the laidback dieter, but also those that offer inspiration, guidance or just a break from our humdrum, calorie-cramming daily existences. Buffets that allow doggy bags are indicated with a star.

Yesterday’s Buffets:

Breakfast:
*Ayres Suites Yorba Linda: Excellent sausage links, fresh plate required with every pass.

Mid-Morning Snack:
Doggy bag

Lunch:
QQ Buffet & Grill: If you’re craving Chinese and fried foods, QQ is the place to go. Everything from orange chicken to sushi to pizza. Monday lunch is a great value at under $10.

Mid-Afternoon Snack:
*Home Town Buffet: Sheer gourmandry at its best! Over a 100 delicious items, from everyday favorites to a large variety of daily features and much more. Plus they have a separate beverages and desserts buffet at Dessert Central included in one low price. You won’t get that with most other buffets!

Dinner:
Zen Buffet: Crab Rangoon galore and Peking duck shredder at every table, highly recommended, though the plate man was a bit slow.

Late-Night Buffet:
New East Super King Buffet: A few problems with this one. The "hot" crab legs were cold and they didn't have any butter for them. They didn’t have lobster either, which was particularly frustrating since Chatto had stopped by earlier in the afternoon and asked if they served lobster every night and were told by the manager that they did. So he flat out lied to us. The rice in the sushi was completely dried out and tasted horrible and I have eaten enough sushi to know. Most of the dishes were mismarked and the raw meat that they supplied for their self-BBQ looked old. The self-BBQ concept in itself is a bad idea considering the potential heath dangers exposed raw meat left out in the open air for hours poses. I ate mine anyway. The raw shellfish were beyond dried out and the staff was totally biased against overweight customers, spending the majority of their time catering to their svelter clientele. In general, one of the worst heavy-eating experiences I’ve ever had, and no doggy bags.

My Weight: 795 lbs and gaining!