OBESITY ALERT CODE 2: MINIMAL WEIGHT GAIN

Image of the day: The Mighty Fifers for Christ, Nedley Chapter, Halloween '95

Because my accumulated mass ratio (AMR from here on out) has settled down to a mere bi-hourly gain of 1/8 lb, we’ve decided to turn the obesity alert down a notch. Must say that despite the traumatic events of the past few days I’m bubbling with chi and only wish I could do something about it that didn’t involve removing myself from my waterbed.

Chatto brought it to my attention last night when he was reviewing last week’s CCTV kitchen footage, that he had spotted an unidentified ‘form’ in the vicinity of the F&P between the hours of midnight and one o’clock (Busey sometimes crawls in through the cat door for a midnight snack so I don’t want to jump the gun on this one). We’re still examining the evidence and will let you know what we turn up tomorrow.

Otherwise, I’ve reduced my daily Super Size consumption to 4 full entrées and a Happy Meal. Didn’t think they’d appreciate this at McDonald’s but Mitch said if he’d thought of it first he would have suggested the same thing. He pointed out that for the Super Size crowd, a Happy Meal is more or less the same thing as an in-between-meal ‘snack’, and is now pushing McDonald’s to try out a variation called the Happy Snack Box. So, there you have it, even in the depths of despair creative genius works its magic.

Finally, I just wanted to apologize to the Mighty Fifers for Christ in Nedley, Utah. I won’t unfortunately be performing at their founding day revival this year, one of my usual stops. Ditto on the Subway opening in Freeburg, Missouri. Sorry folks.

Yesterday’s Meals:

4 McDonald’s Super Size Meals and a Happy Meal

Side by Side:

My Weight: 706 ½ lb
My Weight in 1976, 1978 and 1982: 720 lbs