Silver Dollars from Heaven
Image of the day: Mr. Super Size 2 "On the Move" (courtesy of McDonald's)Not much time to write today. Just taking a moment to keep you current on the latest developments in the Genghis Project.
Yesterday we shot scene 74 where Genghis challenges his mortal enemy, Rusgiv Dul (played admirably by Doody Costner) to a roast pheasant eating competition. This, of course, was Dr. Otix’ idea. In this critical scene (the first in the history of cinema to pit Genghis against an enemy in a culinary context) I must devour, in a single 7-minute take, 23 roast pheasants. Due to the technical inconveniences of shooting atop my cart-cum-battle elephant, we have had to reshoot 4 times to date. Which, I should add, I wouldn’t have been able to do without Dr. Otix’ Slimming Touch Tonic. And this in itself is a second benchmark in Genghis productions: I Am Genghis Khan is the first Genghis film in which a diet tonic plays a central role in Genghis’ conquering of the known world, another Otix touch. Slimming Touch will be to Seagal what Bucephalus, Alexander’s trusty steed, was to the great Macedonian warlord, what Mao’s Lenin-autographed kleenex was to the mighty Chairman, what Napoleon’s guilt dodo feather was to the petite firebrand of Europe. I’m thrilled to have such a weapon at my disposal, a weapon that will additionally, I have every reason to believe, offer invaluable inspiration to thousands of dieters in Outer Mongolia where the film will be released in September 2009.
In other news, Drahousek, Dr. Otix’ engineer, has constructed a harness for me in the hope that I will, if it is made durable enough to support the weight of a pachyderm, lift me clear of my cart in critical battle scenes and let me fight the Jurchid hordes as Genghis originally did sometimes, standing on two feet.
And this, dear readers (I hope I can use this affectionate term), brings me to the most wonderful news of the past three months. Yesterday, I gained only 3 lbs! . . . 3 lbs! Of course, I’m entirely convinced that Slimming Touch made this possible, that and McDonald’s. According to Dr. Otix, the combination of Super Size meals and his secret herb (among the tonic’s many other nutritious ingredients) has brought about this truly remarkable development in my struggle to achieve bipedality.
I wish you the very best of chi, and as always (but particularly today) encourage you to peruse yesterday’s meals for the valuable insight they contain. And (I’m very proud of this) please enjoy Mr. Super Size 2 “On the Move”, the second still in my McDonald’s gallery.
Yesterday’s Meals:
Breakfast
4 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 4 Super Size Deluxe Breakfasts, 4 Sausage McGriddles, 8 Side Orders Hotcakes with syrup and butter pats
Lunch
6 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, Super Size Crispy Chicken Ranch BLT, Super Size Southern Style Crispy Chicken, Super Size Honey Mustard Snack Wrap, packet of ketchup
Dinner
4 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 2 Super Size Filet-O-Fish, 1 Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, 1 Double Quarter Pounder without Cheese, 1 Double Quarter Pounder with Extra Pickles (just for me!), 2 Double Quarter Pounders hold the onions, reduce the pickles, 3 Double Quarter Pounders with French fries inside, 3 without, Multiple McFlurries, Bag of Ketchup Packets, Bag of Salt Packets, Bag of Pickles, 4 Bags, 4 Big Macs without the buns ( . . . and only 3 lbs!)
Side by Side:
My Weight: 642 lbs
Italian Dump Truck: 1000 lbs
Yesterday we shot scene 74 where Genghis challenges his mortal enemy, Rusgiv Dul (played admirably by Doody Costner) to a roast pheasant eating competition. This, of course, was Dr. Otix’ idea. In this critical scene (the first in the history of cinema to pit Genghis against an enemy in a culinary context) I must devour, in a single 7-minute take, 23 roast pheasants. Due to the technical inconveniences of shooting atop my cart-cum-battle elephant, we have had to reshoot 4 times to date. Which, I should add, I wouldn’t have been able to do without Dr. Otix’ Slimming Touch Tonic. And this in itself is a second benchmark in Genghis productions: I Am Genghis Khan is the first Genghis film in which a diet tonic plays a central role in Genghis’ conquering of the known world, another Otix touch. Slimming Touch will be to Seagal what Bucephalus, Alexander’s trusty steed, was to the great Macedonian warlord, what Mao’s Lenin-autographed kleenex was to the mighty Chairman, what Napoleon’s guilt dodo feather was to the petite firebrand of Europe. I’m thrilled to have such a weapon at my disposal, a weapon that will additionally, I have every reason to believe, offer invaluable inspiration to thousands of dieters in Outer Mongolia where the film will be released in September 2009.
In other news, Drahousek, Dr. Otix’ engineer, has constructed a harness for me in the hope that I will, if it is made durable enough to support the weight of a pachyderm, lift me clear of my cart in critical battle scenes and let me fight the Jurchid hordes as Genghis originally did sometimes, standing on two feet.
And this, dear readers (I hope I can use this affectionate term), brings me to the most wonderful news of the past three months. Yesterday, I gained only 3 lbs! . . . 3 lbs! Of course, I’m entirely convinced that Slimming Touch made this possible, that and McDonald’s. According to Dr. Otix, the combination of Super Size meals and his secret herb (among the tonic’s many other nutritious ingredients) has brought about this truly remarkable development in my struggle to achieve bipedality.
I wish you the very best of chi, and as always (but particularly today) encourage you to peruse yesterday’s meals for the valuable insight they contain. And (I’m very proud of this) please enjoy Mr. Super Size 2 “On the Move”, the second still in my McDonald’s gallery.
Yesterday’s Meals:
Breakfast
4 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 4 Super Size Deluxe Breakfasts, 4 Sausage McGriddles, 8 Side Orders Hotcakes with syrup and butter pats
Lunch
6 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, Super Size Crispy Chicken Ranch BLT, Super Size Southern Style Crispy Chicken, Super Size Honey Mustard Snack Wrap, packet of ketchup
Dinner
4 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 2 Super Size Filet-O-Fish, 1 Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, 1 Double Quarter Pounder without Cheese, 1 Double Quarter Pounder with Extra Pickles (just for me!), 2 Double Quarter Pounders hold the onions, reduce the pickles, 3 Double Quarter Pounders with French fries inside, 3 without, Multiple McFlurries, Bag of Ketchup Packets, Bag of Salt Packets, Bag of Pickles, 4 Bags, 4 Big Macs without the buns ( . . . and only 3 lbs!)
Side by Side:
My Weight: 642 lbs
Italian Dump Truck: 1000 lbs
posted by The Master at
2:25 AM
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