Victim of Nostalgia

Image of the day: "Adam Caught Stealing Apples from the
Garden of Earthly Delights" (courtesy of Helmut Newton)

With our feeding schedules being what they were, Manuel and I had completely forgotten about Easter. I hadn’t realized how deeply religious a man Manuel was either, and respect him the more for it. In light of this, Manuel decided to confess his sins yesterday. I let him borrow the cart and warned him to stay off the highway but you never know with Manuel.

With Manuel gone, I had a rare moment to ponder life’s bitter-sweet mysteries (as I often used to while shooting but have recently fallen out of the habit of doing) and sank into a deep, melancholy brood while gazing out the kitchen window at the Buddhist Water Garden, long unused, where the chestnut and almond trees seemed to be bent low by an aching solitude. How often, in my feasting years, nostalgia creeps up upon me! I listened to the sparrows cheeping deliciously, one to the other, and the piglets snorting joyously for their morning feed (so cute, so fragile, my little piglets) and was brought to tears by the appearance of a butterfly, sprung from its cocoon in brilliant raiment, announcing for man and beast alike the rich offerings of spring. How perfect it was, how delectable! . . . Though I continued to brood.

Later that morning, Chatto, Banroot, Simpuk and five of Chatto’s nephews carried me down into the basement to the Memorabilia Room so I could peruse those keepsakes and icons of my boyishly handsome youth that have made me the legend I am today. It was, I have to admit, a shock to see those images of my less encumbranced years. I almost wept as I traveled down memory’s somber lane and gazed once again upon my manliness, nay, my incorruptibility and my Adonis-like repose . . . that will, I have sadly realized, never be again. I was particularly struck by a collection of nude photographs Helmut Newton took of me several years ago when I was anxious to capture (for the public) my evolving body as it eased into its ever-mounting and defining corpulence. Like the kings of yore, who fought and loved fiercely, and feasted to their hearts’ content on many a spit-roasted beast, only the flesh remains, and what a story it has to tell.

Today’s image of the day, "Adam Caught Stealing Apples from the Garden of Earthly Delights", is perhaps most representative of my feelings at the time. In it, I see a man who has suffered and learned, who is poised for combat but at the same time protective of his torso and nether regions, a curious, proud, defiant man exposing in a coy way his humble flesh to the camera’s probing eye in a moment of surrendered intimacy.

I hope you enjoyed this photograph as much as I did and will see what else I can turn up over the next few days.

On the dieting front, I’ve sent a final, and, I believe, heartfelt, e-mail to the NeoFat people requesting delivery of my microlipids, the last hope I have of restraining my runaway appetites. I also have to say that I’m really not sure where to go from here, whether it was the grains or the meat, the colonic irrigations or too many persimmons, the midnight snacks or periodic feasts, that have led me to the point I’m now at (veering like one of distant Pluto’s solitary moons towards the 600-lb mark.) With the exception of a Spanish omelet, a Baby Ruth, a rack of ribs, a plate of fresh figs, a pound of Turkish Delight and a meager 5-minute feed on Stockmol 20, I ate nothing of interest yesterday.

Yesterday’s Meals:

Breakfast
Spanish omelet (7 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Baby Ruth (4 points)

Lunch
Fresh figs, 1 lb Turkish Delight (8 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Stockmol 20

Dinner
Rack of Ribs (18 points)

My Weight: 574 lbs