In the Omega Zone: ¼ lb in 24 hours!
Image of the day: George Clooney Getting in Shape forCornelius Agrippa Biopic
George Clooney stopped by yesterday morning in an uproar, said Busey had stolen his manservant’s lace demithongs again. He was particularly upset about this incident since he’d been running through so many manservants these days and didn’t want to lose this one, a strapping lad from the Como Lake district. Of course, George had found me perched atop my KWG among a litter of Big Mac wrappers and French fry cartons in the dining caboose of my cart, and yet didn’t find this odd, or at least didn’t say anything about it in typical Hollywood fashion. Which brought to mind how much happier I was away from the glitter and pizzazz, nestled in my rustic surroundings with my mute but sincere four-legged friends of forest and field, and my faithful attendants. After a minute or two of chitchat, George said that I’d filled out some, that I was looking ‘puffy’. Puffy? I offered him a minor role in Genghis but, as it turns out, George is in preproduction for his own biopic of Cornelius Agrippa, and we left it at that.
And, speaking of fairweather friends, Busey hasn’t been returning my phone calls (and couldn’t have stolen George Clooney’s manservant’s thongs) because he's been hanging out with Chuck Norris on Norris’ houseboat for the better part of the month.
So, the day of reckoning is at hand. On Dr. Otix’ advice, we kept with the 13 Super Size Big Macs, only upping the ounces of Slimming Touch to 10, a lucky number in Romania, with a little bit extra of the ‘secret ingredient’ mixed in. Dr. Otix is convinced that it is this mysterious substance, for which he is currently trying to gain an EU patent, that will finally put me in the red poundage-wise. I’ve been more or less sitting atop my industrial scale for the past 24 hours, with minor Genghis duties (several dramatic close-ups and a victory pose admirably shot by Emilio Estevez on the Sony), so don’t have much else to report. Managed to remove a slipper today.
Yesterday’s Meals:
Late Breakfast
10 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 1 tsp. “Secret Ingredient”
Early Lunch
8 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 1 tbs. “Secret Ingredient”
Dinner
8 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 2 oz. “Secret Ingredient”, Mint Tic Tac
Side By Side:
My weight: 644 ½ lbs
Jennifer Lopez’ Mother-in-Law: 650 lbs
And, speaking of fairweather friends, Busey hasn’t been returning my phone calls (and couldn’t have stolen George Clooney’s manservant’s thongs) because he's been hanging out with Chuck Norris on Norris’ houseboat for the better part of the month.
So, the day of reckoning is at hand. On Dr. Otix’ advice, we kept with the 13 Super Size Big Macs, only upping the ounces of Slimming Touch to 10, a lucky number in Romania, with a little bit extra of the ‘secret ingredient’ mixed in. Dr. Otix is convinced that it is this mysterious substance, for which he is currently trying to gain an EU patent, that will finally put me in the red poundage-wise. I’ve been more or less sitting atop my industrial scale for the past 24 hours, with minor Genghis duties (several dramatic close-ups and a victory pose admirably shot by Emilio Estevez on the Sony), so don’t have much else to report. Managed to remove a slipper today.
Yesterday’s Meals:
Late Breakfast
10 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 1 tsp. “Secret Ingredient”
Early Lunch
8 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 1 tbs. “Secret Ingredient”
Dinner
8 oz. Slimming Touch Tonic, 13 Super Size Big Mac Meals, 2 oz. “Secret Ingredient”, Mint Tic Tac
Side By Side:
My weight: 644 ½ lbs
Jennifer Lopez’ Mother-in-Law: 650 lbs
posted by The Master at
10:38 PM
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