Stumbling Block

Image of the Day: Positive Thinking

Experienced a major setback yesterday when I realized that I'd only gained 14 ounces in 24 hours. How a machine like the Aldot Weigh Deck can pick up such a minute increase is beyond me, but when I had the boys at the Temecula weigh station off Route 79 repeat the procedure, it was obvious. All I can do is promise my fans that I won't let it happen again. And it's not just a matter of my support base. Basically, the closer I get to retirement, the more I'm thinking about my celebrity endorsements, how few of them have been coming in lately. With the Lazy-Boy Behemoth in the wastebasket and my Air Moldova obesity perks running thin, I'm at a loss as to what I can actually do with my fat. Let's just hope I put on a few pounds of chi by tomorrow morning.

My weight: 990 lbs. 14 oz.???