I DID NOT Eat My Petting Zoo

Image of the Day: Dinnertime in Bangkok

"Not only humans but also animals are within the scope of Mr. Seagal's eating habits." 

This quote, brought to my attention over the weekend by Simpuk, appeared a few days ago in the Celebrity Fat Asses Hall of Shame. Based obviously on allegations that I, and not Manuel Uribe, ate my petting zoo, it strikes at the heart of who I am. It also fails to acknowledge my outspoken activism with PETA against the fur trade, my work with the former Prime Minister of India to seek increased legal protection for cows, and the South Africa-Japan baby elephant export accords, which I personally supervised. In brief, my unprecedented weight gain may be the subject of gossip and slander, but my animal activism is off limits and above reproach.

My weight: 975 lbs., but this must be wrong

A baby elephant (on average): 185 lbs. 

My weight in baby elephants: 5.25 baby elephants