SUPER SIZED SEAGAL LOOTS KENNY ROGERS FRIED CHICKEN IN MONDALE, KY

Image of the Day: The Shakur Estate, Detroit, Michigan 2002

Ok, after the STEVEN SEAGAL IS A FAT TUB OF SHIT hoax, this is a bit much. First of all, Kenny Rogers Fried Chicken doesn't even exist anymore, so the joker who started this rumor needs to enter the 21st century. Second, Kenny Rogers and I are good friends and have been since we did Islands in the Stream together for the Tupac Shakur Walk on Watts-Willowbrook Memorial Album audition. Third, the idea that I would "enter the store in ninja fashion" is preposterous since I can't "enter" anywhere on two feet these days. And even if I had entered the store in ninja fashion, would I have then "waited nervously, almost drenched in saliva" for the manager to "empty out the walk-in freezer"? I feel that I'm being targeted here due to my much publicized philanthropic leanings. In my hot-headed days, I would have tracked this asshole down and taken care of him (don't forget I have mafia connections). Now that I'm more or less confined to rolling as a means of conveyance, they assume I'll take it lying down. All I can say is, Bad chi is coming. Lock your doors and pray for a quiet death, because when I roll over you, baby, you'll feel it. 

My weight: 954 lbs.

Tupac Shakur's illegitimate children under the age of 16 (in the continental US): 999 lbs.