CORRECTION: Steven Seagal $198.23 Extended Stay America Buffet Tab A Gross Exaggeration

Image of the Day: My Actual Extended Stay America Buffet Tab

I hate to be a nitpicker but I want to point out that the recent statement on Celebrity Fat Asses (which I did NOT appear on) was a gross exaggeration. My tab at the Extended Stay America buffet on Guadalupe St. in Austin, TX was not $198.23 but $97.66. I've actually included the receipt, above, on my lawyer's advice. And I did not "close out the restaurant, what a fat pig," as Chowmag reported. Or "eat myself into a Buddhist coma" (Clean Eating, November 13th Issue). What I did consume was the largest number of beef patties smothered in Velveeta in the shortest period of time in Texas history. This was more or less a bet, don't forget, and I've never been one to turn down a fast buck. A few interesting statistics:

Total calories: 19,495

Total eaters: 1

Most patties eaten by one person: 52

Most bags of french fries eaten by one person: 7

Most squeeze bottles of Heinz 57 Steak Sauce consumed: 4

Minimum number of bathroom visits: 2

Time to finish: under an hour

Vomit: 0

I should also add, because no one mentioned anything about this, that I didn't ask for the used skillets of peanut lard, the Extended Stay crew threw those in gratis.

My weight: 961 lbs.

A Sumatran rhinoceros: 1765 lbs.