Floating in Morro Bay

Image of the Day: Lindstromer One-Man Multi-Purpose Beach Float

Had an excellent day at the beach yesterday courtesy of The Lindstromer One-Man Multi-Purpose Beach Float. In case you didn't know, what separates a Lindstromer from the other heavy-duty, one-man beach floats on the market is their patented triple-coated anodized platinum pump nozzle, eighteen of them located in various positions on the Lindstromer's undersurface. If one or two, or even fifteen, nozzles break due to rough weather or an aggressive tide, you're safe. The only problem you might run into is that because of the Lindstromer's ample volume (it's by far the biggest one-man float on the market), you might easily be mistaken for a whale pup gone astray, or a UFO, when you're floating out past the buoys, which is just what happened to me, but not for a whale pup. The Morro Bay Beach Patrol thought I was a Russian weather satellite crash landed in the Pacific of all things! We had a good laugh about that over a Pizza Hut and a bottle of Seagal Merlot-Pinotage Reserve.

Otherwise, doing well. I think all this litigation, slander and gossip has just fueled my chi. I no longer desire to be loved. I no longer feel consumed by remorse for my shortcomings. And, most importantly, I no longer hold Jean-Claude Van Damme accountable for the dreadful things he said about me in a recent interview he gave on Celebrity Has-Beens. The fact is, I feel as light as a pancake.  

My weight: 978 lbs.

Bottles of Seaco Sun Tan Lotion required to coat my body: 18