The Wonders of Colonic Irrigation

No image today: my music video

Glad to be back. Haven’t had much sleep these past three nights due to certain ‘inconveniences’, though I’ve been told it’s par for the course. Specifically, I mean Kelvins, my roommate at La Presse en Cordille. Kelvins isn’t the ideal enemy buddy Dr. Rangou made him out to be. He isn’t very tidy and never speaks at meal times. And he’s forgetful, wheezes incessantly and may be an alcoholic. Last night he left me ‘in the lurch’ and I had to ring nurse Tremaine to unhook me from our en-suite colonic irrigation apparatus. Found Kelvins early this morning asleep in the bushes.

But since we’re on the subject of enemas, I’ve got say that if you’ve never had one, book yourself an appointment today. I dropped a whole 1/8^th of a pound after yesterday’s last session, and another few ounces after today’s first, and can’t wait to weigh myself again. (Will let you know in a few minutes.) Moreover, I’ve got nothing but positive feedback from the doctors and nurses here. Dr. Rangou, for example, has commented on ‘the fine shape of my colon’ and the ‘the heartiness of my sphincter in both clenched and relaxed positions’ though he has remarked on ‘an abnormal blockage that may require weeks, if not months, of routine cleansing to release.’ Which doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, other than Kelvins and the skimpy meals we get here, I’m enjoying myself completely. In between our enemas (administered three times daily with an optional after-dinner enema) and our aquatics and group healing sessions, I’ve had plenty of time to commune with the natural wonders of the area, which are abundant and can all be seen from the back porch where I take my bubble tea daily. Though I suppose the most wonderful thing about the situation here is that absolutely no one recognizes me, so the disguise Chatto and I had brought along (beard, glasses, etc.) isn’t even necessary. Other than being caught once or twice in an ‘eagle pose’, I haven’t had any problems concealing my identity. When not having my colon irrigated or communing with nature or posing, I’m brushing up on my Ancient Kalmyk or practicing my arias for I Am Genghis Khan.

Will sign off by saying that I was just weighed three times by nurse Tremaine and have, unexpectedly, put back on the ounces I’d lost after my last enema and actually gained an additional 2 lbs, a disturbing, if not shocking, turn of events. Nurse Tremaine has agreed to weigh me again after my afternoon enema and says that if the situation doesn’t rectify itself, I will be put on a strictly herbal cure.

Yesterday’s meals
Breakfast
10 oz. salep tea, followed by morning enema (1 point)

Mid-Morning Snack
Various local tubers and dried herbs (1 point)

Lunch
Scoop of boiled rice, followed by afternoon enema (1 point)

Mid-afternoon snack
4 oz. boysenberries, bubble tea (2 points)

Dinner
Scoop of boiled rice, followed by evening enema (1 point)

After-dinner snack
Nothing, optional enema ruined by Kelvins

My weight: 403 lbs