False Promises, New Vistas

Didn’t manage to go without breakfast yesterday after all, as Chatto had warned. Very bad news came through last night. I won’t be performing for the Knights Mendicant of Fetishti after all. (They had confused me with someone else – I still can’t figure out who – and weren’t looking for a martial arts demonstration at all; they needed a man skilled in gavage.) The only good news of the day is that my new album, Mojo Hands, is selling better than we’d expected in Kazakhstan. Chatto contacted the Moldovan embassy to see if any other fraternal organizations in South Ossetia might be interested in hosting a performance; didn’t get any positive leads. Didn’t find the time yesterday to meditate either, and worse, realized that the pebble garden is infested with the same creeping weed Gary has in his. I felt bloated for a few minutes after lunch but the feeling passed. I hope it doesn’t strike again!

Today's Meals
Breakfast
Grapefruit with two wedges of low calorie Emmenthal . . . not as bad as it sounds! (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Guava smoothie with vitamin booster (5 points)

Lunch
Chilled tofu salad with lime-ginger dressing (5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Rice cakes with low calorie cream cheese substitute (4 points)

Dinner
Eggs Benedict sauteed in olive oil with raddichio garnish (6 points)

Midnight Snack
12 oz. paté de foie gras (When I opted to go ahead with this midnight snack, I was feeling especially vulnerable and so overindulged. Initially, I thought I’d divide the package into two portions – for two midnight snacks – but once I started I just couldn’t stop. Chatto won’t even look me in the eye.)

South Ossetia Here I Come!

As you all know, my weight is skyrocketing. For this reason I decided yesterday to remove the second refrigerator from my bedroom and eliminate midnight snacks from my diet entirely. Chatto agrees that if I’m serious about slimming down, and God knows I am, the midnight snack is now my greatest enemy. Chatto has also agreed to stand guard outside my bedroom door between the hours of midnight and three, and has been authorized to attack. But today’s best news is that the Knights of Fetishti in South Ossetia have invited me to give a martial arts demonstration at their annual founding day celebration! After my recent success in Moldova, I think it’s safe to say that a comeback is in the works. I’ll wrap up this entry by saying that with the exception of a mid-morning snack of leftover swordfish, I managed to stay clear of the refrigerator all day yesterday, and no midnight snack!

My Weight: 330 lbs??