Thursday, January 31, 2008

Busey is Back!

Gary finally turned up yesterday with his houseboy! Said what I’d done to Toro anyone would have done. Felt much better. Gary’s houseboy, Banroot, manned the Hibachi grill and prepared two excellent swordfish steaks with Gary’s famous teriyaki marinade, and then we went snorkeling in the water garden, finally. Pulled my right wrist demonstrating a very simple ‘slap and grip’ technique on Banroot. Gary thought my low-calorie strawberry daiquiri was lacking. Chatto wandered back home later that afternoon, thank God, with a bag of groceries (amen!) and I demanded the password for the refrigerator, which he’d somehow forgotten. Ordered new refrigerator from Fisher & Paykel, without an electronic lock. Stealthy Proposition is now making the rounds at Singh and Perdus Ltd., a subsidiary of Randall Hines Productions. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
Cracked wheat porridge, plain (3 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
2 servings Triscuits . . . low calorie vegetable spread in the fridge, thank you, Chatto! (4 points)

Lunch
Grilled swordfish steak in teriyaki sauce, bottle of Tsing Tsao (9 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Orange Julius . . . Gary brought me one from the mall (5 points)

Dinner
Nothing! Too full to eat!

Midnight Snack

Two 12-inch double-meat Subway Club sandwiches (If you figure that a Double Whopper with cheese is the equivalent of two double-meat Subway Clubs with all the works, I only ate one hamburger.)

My Weight: 339 lbs

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Black Tuesday

The Buddhists say that a man is the sum of his personal actions. When will power is low therein lies the test, and I have to say that I’ve failed mine miserably. When I rolled out of bed at 1 o’clock yesterday afternoon I was hallucinating. My head was throbbing and my heart rate was up, and I found, after repeatedly trying to force a bowel movement, that I had absolutely no stools. Meditation failed, as did a stroll in the pebble garden. Gary was still out. I knew what had to be done, and did it, even if it violated all my principles, both as a human and a Buddhist, not to mention an animal rights activist and a friend of all God’s creatures, large and small. I only hope my honesty counts for something.

Yesterday’s Meals
Toro, boiled and served on garnish of weeds (2 points)

My Weight: 337 lbs

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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

S.O.S.

Slept most of yesterday. Chatto has decided to take a few days off. How can I stop him? Toro is keeping his distance. I believe I’ve reached the point of no return. Purification of some kind is at hand. Awoke at midnight with a craving for a Big Mac.

My Weight: 337 lbs

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Monday, January 28, 2008

Getting Desperate

Chatto has been sleeping through more and more meal times. Haven’t eaten anything solid since Saturday afternoon. Phone lines out. Stopped by Gary’s but Gary was out. Where is he? Speakman is in Bucharest shooting latest picture, Unwilling Proposition; told me via e-mail to focus energy on something else. Is he serious? My little four-legged friend, Toro, on the other hand, is prospering. He follows me everywhere. Have taken to wandering the house in boxer shorts.

Yesterday’s Meals
Cup of jasmine tea (from garden), fistful of weeds (1/2 point)

My Weight: 336 ¾ lbs

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sunday Morning Blues

Felt peaked yesterday afternoon. Had a visit from Doctor Baswabi: blood pressure, urine and stool samples. The doctor said my stools are ‘robust.' Shinjuku robe almost fit. Sank into an early afternoon torpor, watched Under Siege 2 with Chatto. Chatto fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t wake him to prepare lunch and so went without it. Chatto slept through mid-afternoon snack time and was still sleeping at dinner time; couldn’t access refrigerator without password. Called the Fisher & Paykel people, but it seems it’s company policy not to give out passwords. Stumped. Tumbled around on the mat in the Practice Room for an hour and threw my back out. My buttocks ache as I write. Practically nothing to eat since yesterday afternoon. Should I call Speakman?

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
Fluffed egg whites (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Marmite on wholegrain bread (3 points)

My Weight: 336 lbs

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Serious Steps

Fisher & Paykel people arrived yesterday and installed electronic lock on refrigerator. Chatto has been entrusted with the password. Feeling good. Ran power sprints in Meditation Meadow in back of pebble garden (5 min), followed by three sets of five sit-ups, and a jumping jack. Broke out in a sweat! Today I think I’ll try on my Shinjuku robe; I have a feeling it might fit this time. Examined my sword collection after lunch yesterday and answered wolf pup protection scheme: I will donate $10,000 as long as they agree to photograph me with a wolf pup. All in all, a very productive day. Gary said he would be stopping by next weekend for a mid-afternoon snack. What will I prepare? Patience.

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
3% fat cream cheese and smoked salmon on slice of rye bread (6 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Glass of pomegranate juice (3 points)

Lunch
Yellow pepper consommé (4 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Dried soya shredded and laid on bed of bean sprouts with hoisin sauce (5 points)

Dinner
Fillet of sole served in its own juices, sweet potato pancakes baked with scallions and hot pepper, mango chutney, baked plaintain for desert (7 points)

Midnight Snack
Refrigerator locked

My Weight: 336 1/4 lbs

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Friday, January 25, 2008

Less is More

If you’ve never taken the time to think about this, now is the time: Less is more. The applications are endless, and for the serious dieter, far-reaching. Instead of a packet of sunflower seeds, you now have a bowl! Half a Cornish hen served dry easily becomes an entire fowl dripping with juice! As most of you know, I’ve never preached what I haven’t practiced, and so yesterday was a day of 'less is more.' Since I really feel on the verge of a benchmark in my dieting, Chatto has contacted the Fisher & Paykel people to find out if electronic locks can be installed on their refrigerators. It seems the obvious step to take. Waiting to hear back. Until then, let me share Yesterday’s Meals with you.

Yesterday’s Meals:
Breakfast
Pinch of lemon zest (0 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Half serving dried cranberries and sunflower seeds (1 point)

Lunch
Lima bean (0 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Cored apple, baked and served with cinnamon and nutmeg garnish (1 point)

Dinner
Radish (0 points)

Midnight Snack
Two Pizza Hut personal pizzas

My Weight: 336 lbs

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Gift from the Gods

A day of rest and reflection yesterday. Performed sacred chants for the souls of my ancestors, minimal garden duties. The weeds have been subdued thanks to Chatto’s dedication and perseverance. Received correspondence from an orphanage in Bulgaria and from a wolf pup protection organization in Transylvania; will have Chatto look into both. And . . . a wonderful surprise! I found a little field mouse with a broken leg in the pebble garden yesterday afternoon. I patched the little fellow right back up and put on a splint. I’m going to call my new four-legged friend, Toro, after my favorite sashimi. Decided, on second thought, not to limit my diet to raw meat.

Yesterday’s meals
Breakfast
Poached eggs (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Smoked mackerel (5 points)

Lunch
Grilled tuna pita (6 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Celery sticks filled with organic peanut butter and raisins (4 points)

Dinner
Diced chicken wraps with low-calorie mayonnaise and curry dressing, light potato salad, chilled peach with lemon and organic sweetener (8 points)

Midnight Snack
Beef shwarma, gyro, falafel, french fries, Coca-Cola

My weight: 335 lbs

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Meat is Chi

More stamina, more focus, more healthy chi . . . Raw meat! I decided to begin this new diet yesterday, because rumor has it that it was the only thing Marlon Brando tried that ever worked. Got an e-mail from Jeff Speakman today; will put it up as a link. Jeff’s own struggles with his extra poundage have been tied to my own, though I’ve always thought that Jeff was merely ‘tubby’ or ‘paunchy’ but never staggeringly obese. Jeff and I have been exchanging letters for a while now; he’s a good little ‘fat’ buddy. Problems: I can’t fit into any of my clothes, even my Buddhist robes, and have difficulty moving from the couch. I figure after a day or two, when the meat does its job, I’ll feel more lively. Chatto is shaking his head.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
One serving veal liver tartine (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Half serving pork cutlet in lime juice and salt (5 points)

Lunch
Steak tartare (7 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Congealed beef stock (4 point)

Dinner
Cubed tenderloin mixed with pineapple soaked in tequila, wild rice, leek in lemon sauce, no dessert (5 points)

Midnight Snack
Two tubs of Cool Whip Light, mayonnaise and cucumber on white bread squares, one candy apple, sampling of marzipan (All that raw beef obviously had the opposite effect. My appetite later returned with a vengeance! That's to be expected with such a drastic dietary change.)


My Weight: 334 lbs

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

False Promises, New Vistas

Didn’t manage to go without breakfast yesterday after all, as Chatto had warned. Very bad news came through last night. I won’t be performing for the Knights Mendicant of Fetishti after all. (They had confused me with someone else – I still can’t figure out who – and weren’t looking for a martial arts demonstration at all; they needed a man skilled in gavage.) The only good news of the day is that my new album, Mojo Hands, is selling better than we’d expected in Kazakhstan. Chatto contacted the Moldovan embassy to see if any other fraternal organizations in South Ossetia might be interested in hosting a performance; didn’t get any positive leads. Didn’t find the time yesterday to meditate either, and worse, realized that the pebble garden is infested with the same creeping weed Gary has in his. I felt bloated for a few minutes after lunch but the feeling passed. I hope it doesn’t strike again!

Today's Meals
Breakfast
Grapefruit with two wedges of low calorie Emmenthal . . . not as bad as it sounds! (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Guava smoothie with vitamin booster (5 points)

Lunch
Chilled tofu salad with lime-ginger dressing (5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Rice cakes with low calorie cream cheese substitute (4 points)

Dinner
Eggs Benedict sauteed in olive oil with raddichio garnish (6 points)

Midnight Snack
12 oz. paté de foie gras (When I opted to go ahead with this midnight snack, I was feeling especially vulnerable and so overindulged. Initially, I thought I’d divide the package into two portions – for two midnight snacks – but once I started I just couldn’t stop. Chatto won’t even look me in the eye.)

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Some Additional Setbacks

Found out yesterday that South Ossetia doesn’t have an embassy. We were directed to the Moldovan embassy (a 10-minute jog from the Romanian embassy; I managed to cover it in 15, walking briskly). Chatto was furious. At the Moldovan embassy I was questioned. Was the photo on my passport (Under Siege) really the same man? I had my hair down, but quickly clipped on my ponytail. The man at the desk still refused to issue me a visa. This hurt. We’ll just have to see. Stopped in for a chat with Tony Danza, who I noticed has developed a little paunch of his own, and then sat down to eat a chicken salad at a McDonald's on Vine Street, which doubled as my lunch and mid-afternoon snack. No one asked for my autograph; left my ponytail on the tray.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Free-range hardboiled egg and cup of green tea (3 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Bowl of miso soup (3 points)

Lunch/Mid-Afternoon Snack
McDonald’s chicken salad with honey-walnut dressing (7 points)

Supper
Whole wheat calzone with organic green pepper and mushroom stuffing (7 points)

Dinner
Mixed sashimi (6 points)

Midnight Snack
Spanish omelet (a late, late midnight snack, which I decided will serve as this morning’s breakfast)

My Weight: 330 lbs (still)

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

South Ossetia Here I Come!

As you all know, my weight is skyrocketing. For this reason I decided yesterday to remove the second refrigerator from my bedroom and eliminate midnight snacks from my diet entirely. Chatto agrees that if I’m serious about slimming down, and God knows I am, the midnight snack is now my greatest enemy. Chatto has also agreed to stand guard outside my bedroom door between the hours of midnight and three, and has been authorized to attack. But today’s best news is that the Knights of Fetishti in South Ossetia have invited me to give a martial arts demonstration at their annual founding day celebration! After my recent success in Moldova, I think it’s safe to say that a comeback is in the works. I’ll wrap up this entry by saying that with the exception of a mid-morning snack of leftover swordfish, I managed to stay clear of the refrigerator all day yesterday, and no midnight snack!

My Weight: 330 lbs??

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Saturday, January 19, 2008

Success is a State of Mind

The treatment for my next film, Stealthy Proposition, was rejected by Paramount yesterday. As I sit in my pebble garden with a fruit smoothie reviewing this incident, all my doubts and fears have come back to haunt me. Am I really too obese to be taken seriously? Does size have anything to do with grace? Are my opponents, when locked in battle with me, really laughing at me behind my admittedly prodigious back? Is Jeff Speakman a svelter martial artist? Tried on my leather trench coat from Into the Sun, and it still fit, but I couldn’t touch my toes. B.B. King has recommended some stretching techniques. I think I’ll try them out. In the meanwhile, I think Chatto has discovered the extra refrigerator but hasn’t said anything about it yet. Is he laughing at me too?

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Cup of strained yogurt with sprinkling of Special K (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Two poached eggs (4 points)

Lunch
Modified Caesar salad... didn't quite work (6 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Mixed crudités with dill-and-yogurt dressing (4 points)

Dinner
Leftover pheasant... perfect! (5 points)

Midnight Snack
One pint Haagen-Dazs Pistachio (I realized my prior bloating was due to lactose deficiency after all, and I was right. No longer bloated.)

My Weight: 328 lbs

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Friday, January 18, 2008

A Good Friend is Worth More Than His Weight in Gold

Chatto, who I’ve trained myself, did a better job last night. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t get near the refrigerator. So no guilt today, though I find myself unaccountably bloated. And a little hurt. Gary called at the very last moment to say he couldn’t make it. This after I’d already bought his swordfish steaks and heated up the water garden for a swim. I’ve learned to deal with treacheries of this kind over the years, but Gary has always stuck by me. That’s life. Meditated in the Silent Room for a while and went for a walk in the pebble garden. I’m feeling much better now, if still slightly bloated. Installed second, portable, refrigerator in bedroom this morning, just in case.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Portion of prunes (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Muesli with skim milk (5 points)

Lunch
Lean roast beef in watercress remoulade (4 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Ricotta pudding with 1 tbsp of organic dark sugar
(4 points)

Dinner
Grilled swordfish with steamed spinach and crushed potato (6 points)

My Weight: 328 pounds!

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Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Midnight Snack

I’m sitting on my waterbed racked by guilt . . . I hardly left my bedroom yesterday. Godiva truffles, and a whole box of them! I’ve disappointed myself and, God knows, my readers too. But there’s always a ray of hope. Here is mine: My houseboy, Chatto, has now been ordered to stand guard over the refrigerator in the wee hours of the night, when my old habits tend to get the best of me. Anyway, I think I should probably get up now. Gary Busey, an old friend, is coming over tonight for a barbecue (tolerance!) and a snorkeling session in my Buddhist water garden, and I need to send Chatto over to the Whole Foods. Gary’s suggested grilled swordfish steaks in a teriyaki marinade, while I’m leaning towards vegetarian shish kebab in peanut sauce. Will have to cheer Gary up. He’s been in the dumps since yesterday, when he read about that look-alike out in Aspen who hosed a kid with pepper spray and stole all his publicity. The funny thing is: Gary is a pepper spray fanatic and a crack-shot (he sprays me all the time), and he’s ALWAYS running stop signs. I just hope he brings his 3-wheeler this time.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Apple wedges with low-fat cottage cheese (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Tea biscuit, glass of mineral water (2 points)

Lunch
One serving buffalo mozzarella (so little fat you’d cry!) with aged balsamic vinegar drizzle and fresh basil garnish, seared endive with peppercorn (5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Granola balls (4 points)

Dinner
Sweet peppers stuffed with wild rice and seasonings, shredded cabbage salad, kiwi (6 points) . . . Family Bucket Kentucky Fried Chicken, 16 butter biscuits (no gravy), bucket dirty rice, bucket mashed potatoes, 1 New York Cheesecake (Here is the thing. I KNEW that Chatto was going to keep his word about the refrigerator, so I went on that hunch and developed a ‘just in case’ contingency for an ‘emergency’ scenario and stocked up right after dinner . . . and it worked! Chatto never suspected a thing!)

My weight: 327 lbs?

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Feel Good, All of You

Now that my weight issues are out in the open, I’m much more comfortable with the idea that my body is no longer the ‘perfect weapon’ it used to be. In the past I could cover this up with a roomy leather coat or a spacious robe, but the fact is ‘the mirror is the only judge.' I know I’m not alone either. There are plenty of higher-paid martial arts stars who have gone flabby over the years (they know who they are). Being the first to openly address his obesity, to show you who I am, all of me, gives me the spiritual power to proceed down the righteous path towards a more toned and appealing body.

Yesterday’s meals:
Breakfast
Slice of whole-grain toast with tomato and low calorie Swiss cheese (4 points)

Mid-morning Snack
Bowl of muesli with low fat milk (5 points)

Lunch
Single serving of Aunt Tabby’s Organic Spinach Macaroni and Gorgonzola Cheese . . . this was a great find! (5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Packet of unsalted peanuts (3 points)

Dinner
Roast pheasant (hardly any fat there) stuffed with sage, onions, rice and raisins, washed down with a delicious Gewurtztraminer, stewed pears in light syrup for desert (10 points with the wine)

Midnight Snack
Selection of Godiva truffles left over from Christmas (Don’t criticize until you’ve been there yourself. And don’t make an enemy of your body. Give it what it wants occasionally.)

My Weight: 325.5 lbs

(Photo by geminder)

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A Little Bit of Philosophy Goes a Long Way

A glass of water . . . Is it half empty or half full? That all depends on your state of mind, what the Buddhists call ‘the zone of awakening.' I’ll share a little tip with you, something a good friend of mine and fellow martial artist, Maddox Sargosian, told me one day: A GLASS OF WATER CAN BE A PIECE OF PIE OR A T-BONE STEAK! What Maddox knew (and I didn’t) is that one of the best techniques for controlling your appetite is to ‘see more than you have.’ This is a very spiritual approach to dieting, I admit, and not one that everybody will feel comfortable with, but it works for me . . . sometimes!

Anyway, you’re all probably waiting to hear about Yesterday’s Meals, so I won’t keep you waiting.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Selection of dried fruits and nuts with toasted sesame seeds (3 points)

Mid-Morning Snack

Low calorie muffin with 1 tbsp of 3% fat cream cheese (4 points)

Lunch
Vegetarian “Reuben” sandwich (5 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Wheat germ and honey on yogurt . . . delicious! (3 points)

Dinner
Organic Turkey breast, chilled brussel sprout and broccoli salad, steamed Idaho potatoes (no butter!), portion of blueberries (7 points)

Midnight Snack
Wheel of Triple-Cream Camembert cheese (I don’t care how serious you are about anything, you can’t prove the rule without making the exception. So have a little fun. Your body will forgive you!)

My Weight: 324 lbs

(Photo by alau2)

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Monday, January 14, 2008

Coming to Terms: Awakening, Challenge, Peace

Dear friends, fans and disciples,

Many of you know me only in one of my many creative roles, be it as a martial artist, top-grossing film star, blues musician, environmentalist, outspoken animal rights activist, best friend to Gary Busey, or cultural ambassador to Moldova. Despite all my activity in the public eye, I’ve kept silent for many years on what has been at the same time the most visible aspect of my life, and the most distressing: my tendency to bloat uncontrollably and randomly, and, in recent years, my explosive weight condition. But now is the time of opening doors, of self-control and discipline, of honesty and challenge. I am obese. I’m not ashamed to admit this anymore.

The Road to Recovery

Having realized that there was a direct correlation between my thunderous bulk and what I ate on a daily basis, I set about keeping a diary of my meals. But not only of my meals. What I soon discovered was that writing through the medium of food opened up new avenues to express my feelings, desires, fears, triumphs, setbacks, hopes and dreams! And that’s why Gary suggested I let you into the intimacy of my refrigerator. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. After all, a man is what he eats, as I’ve found out the hard way. But now that I’ve done it, I feel great about it and can’t wait to share my dieting strategies with you. So you too may gain insight. So you too may learn from my example. So you too will attain a body size you are happy with.

Every morning, I will post my blog entry documenting the previous day's activities. It will include: daily dairy entries, a list of what I consumed that day (Yesterday’s Meal) and my weight in pounds, measured daily, in my battle to achieve a svelter and more marketable physical appearance.

-SS

(Photo by
Proggie)

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