South Ossetia Here I Come!

As you all know, my weight is skyrocketing. For this reason I decided yesterday to remove the second refrigerator from my bedroom and eliminate midnight snacks from my diet entirely. Chatto agrees that if I’m serious about slimming down, and God knows I am, the midnight snack is now my greatest enemy. Chatto has also agreed to stand guard outside my bedroom door between the hours of midnight and three, and has been authorized to attack. But today’s best news is that the Knights of Fetishti in South Ossetia have invited me to give a martial arts demonstration at their annual founding day celebration! After my recent success in Moldova, I think it’s safe to say that a comeback is in the works. I’ll wrap up this entry by saying that with the exception of a mid-morning snack of leftover swordfish, I managed to stay clear of the refrigerator all day yesterday, and no midnight snack!

My Weight: 330 lbs??

Success is a State of Mind

The treatment for my next film, Stealthy Proposition, was rejected by Paramount yesterday. As I sit in my pebble garden with a fruit smoothie reviewing this incident, all my doubts and fears have come back to haunt me. Am I really too obese to be taken seriously? Does size have anything to do with grace? Are my opponents, when locked in battle with me, really laughing at me behind my admittedly prodigious back? Is Jeff Speakman a svelter martial artist? Tried on my leather trench coat from Into the Sun, and it still fit, but I couldn’t touch my toes. B.B. King has recommended some stretching techniques. I think I’ll try them out. In the meanwhile, I think Chatto has discovered the extra refrigerator but hasn’t said anything about it yet. Is he laughing at me too?

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast

Cup of strained yogurt with sprinkling of Special K (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack

Two poached eggs (4 points)

Lunch

Modified Caesar salad... didn't quite work (6 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack

Mixed crudités with dill-and-yogurt dressing (4 points)

Dinner

Leftover pheasant... perfect! (5 points)

Midnight Snack

One pint Haagen-Dazs Pistachio (I realized my prior bloating was due to lactose deficiency after all, and I was right. No longer bloated.)

My Weight: 328 lbs

A Good Friend is Worth More Than His Weight in Gold

Chatto, who I’ve trained myself, did a better job last night. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t get near the refrigerator. So no guilt today, though I find myself unaccountably bloated. And a little hurt. Gary called at the very last moment to say he couldn’t make it. This after I’d already bought his swordfish steaks and heated up the water garden for a swim. I’ve learned to deal with treacheries of this kind over the years, but Gary has always stuck by me. That’s life. Meditated in the Silent Room for a while and went for a walk in the pebble garden. I’m feeling much better now, if still slightly bloated. Installed second, portable, refrigerator in bedroom this morning, just in case.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
Portion of prunes (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Muesli with skim milk (5 points)

Lunch
Lean roast beef in watercress remoulade (4 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Ricotta pudding with 1 tbsp of organic dark sugar
(4 points)

Dinner
Grilled swordfish with steamed spinach and crushed potato (6 points)

My Weight: 328 pounds!