Getting Desperate

Chatto has been sleeping through more and more meal times. Haven’t eaten anything solid since Saturday afternoon. Phone lines out. Stopped by Gary’s but Gary was out. Where is he? Speakman is in Bucharest shooting latest picture, Unwilling Proposition; told me via e-mail to focus energy on something else. Is he serious? My little four-legged friend, Toro, on the other hand, is prospering. He follows me everywhere. Have taken to wandering the house in boxer shorts.

Yesterday’s Meals
Cup of jasmine tea (from garden), fistful of weeds (1/2 point)

My Weight: 336 ¾ lbs

Sunday Morning Blues

Felt peaked yesterday afternoon. Had a visit from Doctor Baswabi: blood pressure, urine and stool samples. The doctor said my stools are ‘robust.' Shinjuku robe almost fit. Sank into an early afternoon torpor, watched Under Siege 2 with Chatto. Chatto fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t wake him to prepare lunch and so went without it. Chatto slept through mid-afternoon snack time and was still sleeping at dinner time; couldn’t access refrigerator without password. Called the Fisher & Paykel people, but it seems it’s company policy not to give out passwords. Stumped. Tumbled around on the mat in the Practice Room for an hour and threw my back out. My buttocks ache as I write. Practically nothing to eat since yesterday afternoon. Should I call Speakman?

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
Fluffed egg whites (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Marmite on wholegrain bread (3 points)

My Weight: 336 lbs

Meat is Chi

More stamina, more focus, more healthy chi . . . Raw meat! I decided to begin this new diet yesterday, because rumor has it that it was the only thing Marlon Brando tried that ever worked. Got an e-mail from Jeff Speakman today; will put it up as a link. Jeff’s own struggles with his extra poundage have been tied to my own, though I’ve always thought that Jeff was merely ‘tubby’ or ‘paunchy’ but never staggeringly obese. Jeff and I have been exchanging letters for a while now; he’s a good little ‘fat’ buddy. Problems: I can’t fit into any of my clothes, even my Buddhist robes, and have difficulty moving from the couch. I figure after a day or two, when the meat does its job, I’ll feel more lively. Chatto is shaking his head.

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast
One serving veal liver tartine (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Half serving pork cutlet in lime juice and salt (5 points)

Lunch
Steak tartare (7 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Congealed beef stock (4 point)

Dinner
Cubed tenderloin mixed with pineapple soaked in tequila, wild rice, leek in lemon sauce, no dessert (5 points)

Midnight Snack
Two tubs of Cool Whip Light, mayonnaise and cucumber on white bread squares, one candy apple, sampling of marzipan (All that raw beef obviously had the opposite effect. My appetite later returned with a vengeance! That's to be expected with such a drastic dietary change.)

My Weight: 334 lbs

Success is a State of Mind

The treatment for my next film, Stealthy Proposition, was rejected by Paramount yesterday. As I sit in my pebble garden with a fruit smoothie reviewing this incident, all my doubts and fears have come back to haunt me. Am I really too obese to be taken seriously? Does size have anything to do with grace? Are my opponents, when locked in battle with me, really laughing at me behind my admittedly prodigious back? Is Jeff Speakman a svelter martial artist? Tried on my leather trench coat from Into the Sun, and it still fit, but I couldn’t touch my toes. B.B. King has recommended some stretching techniques. I think I’ll try them out. In the meanwhile, I think Chatto has discovered the extra refrigerator but hasn’t said anything about it yet. Is he laughing at me too?

Yesterday's Meals:
Breakfast

Cup of strained yogurt with sprinkling of Special K (4 points)

Mid-Morning Snack

Two poached eggs (4 points)

Lunch

Modified Caesar salad... didn't quite work (6 points)

Mid-Afternoon Snack

Mixed crudités with dill-and-yogurt dressing (4 points)

Dinner

Leftover pheasant... perfect! (5 points)

Midnight Snack

One pint Haagen-Dazs Pistachio (I realized my prior bloating was due to lactose deficiency after all, and I was right. No longer bloated.)

My Weight: 328 lbs