Black Tuesday

The Buddhists say that a man is the sum of his personal actions. When will power is low therein lies the test, and I have to say that I’ve failed mine miserably. When I rolled out of bed at 1 o’clock yesterday afternoon I was hallucinating. My head was throbbing and my heart rate was up, and I found, after repeatedly trying to force a bowel movement, that I had absolutely no stools. Meditation failed, as did a stroll in the pebble garden. Gary was still out. I knew what had to be done, and did it, even if it violated all my principles, both as a human and a Buddhist, not to mention an animal rights activist and a friend of all God’s creatures, large and small. I only hope my honesty counts for something.

Yesterday’s Meals
Toro, boiled and served on garnish of weeds (2 points)

My Weight: 337 lbs

Sunday Morning Blues

Felt peaked yesterday afternoon. Had a visit from Doctor Baswabi: blood pressure, urine and stool samples. The doctor said my stools are ‘robust.' Shinjuku robe almost fit. Sank into an early afternoon torpor, watched Under Siege 2 with Chatto. Chatto fell asleep on the couch. I didn’t wake him to prepare lunch and so went without it. Chatto slept through mid-afternoon snack time and was still sleeping at dinner time; couldn’t access refrigerator without password. Called the Fisher & Paykel people, but it seems it’s company policy not to give out passwords. Stumped. Tumbled around on the mat in the Practice Room for an hour and threw my back out. My buttocks ache as I write. Practically nothing to eat since yesterday afternoon. Should I call Speakman?

Yesterday’s Meals
Breakfast
Fluffed egg whites (2 points)

Mid-Morning Snack
Marmite on wholegrain bread (3 points)

My Weight: 336 lbs